Book Review: The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

 

Bell Hooks says that militant feminism gave women permission to unleash their rage and hatred at men but it did not allow us to talk about what it meant to love men in patriarchal culture, to know how we could express that love without fear of exploitation and oppression. To simply label men as oppressors and dismiss them meant we never had to give voice to the gaps in our understanding or to talk about maleness in complex ways. She believes that feminist thinking and practice are the only way in which the crises of masculinity can be addressed.

The author writes that ‘we live in a culture where emotionally starved, deprived females are desperately seeking male love.’ She admits that many women cannot hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female failure. Moreover, she also writes about her own case where she did not want to hear about her partner’s feelings and pain. Moreover, in the book the author says that majority of the patriarchal attitudes are taught by mothers. These attitudes are reinforced in schools and religious institutions.

The author states that dismantling and changing patriarchal culture is the work that men and women must do together (p. 24). Further in the book, the author writes that feminist researchers are often unwilling or reluctant to target practical thinking. She believes that when men embrace feminist thinking and practice, which emphasizes the value of mutual growth and self-actualization in all relationships, their emotional well-being will be enhanced.

The popularization of gangsta rap, spearheaded by white male executives in the music industry, gave a public voice to patriarchy and woman-hating. The author views contemporary books and movies offer clear portraits of the evils of patriarchy without offering any direction for change. In her view until there is creation of a popular culture that affirms and celebrates masculinity without upholding patriarchy, there will be no change in the way masses of males think about the nature of their identity.

Further in the book, the author writes that it is possible to critique patriarchy without hating men. Without citing any figures, the author states that working women are far more likely than other women to be irritable. She states that ‘women want to be recognized, seen, and cared about by the men in our lives.’ She further stresses that love cannot exist with domination.

In the concluding chapter the author writes that those of us who love men do not want to continue our journey without them. We need them beside us because we love them. She believes that a culture of healing that empowers males to change is in the making. Healing does not take place in isolation. Men who love and men who long to love know this. She stresses that women should stand by them, with open hearts and open arms (p. 188).