Bell
Hooks says that militant feminism gave women permission to unleash their rage
and hatred at men but it did not allow us to talk about what it meant to love
men in patriarchal culture, to know how we could express that love without fear
of exploitation and oppression. To simply label men as oppressors and dismiss
them meant we never had to give voice to the gaps in our understanding or to
talk about maleness in complex ways. She believes that feminist thinking and
practice are the only way in which the crises of masculinity can be addressed.
The
author writes that ‘we live in a culture where emotionally starved, deprived
females are desperately seeking male love.’ She admits that many women cannot
hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female
failure. Moreover, she also writes about her own case where she did not want to
hear about her partner’s feelings and pain. Moreover, in the book the author
says that majority of the patriarchal attitudes are taught by mothers. These attitudes
are reinforced in schools and religious institutions.
The
author states that dismantling and changing patriarchal culture is the work
that men and women must do together (p. 24). Further in the book, the author
writes that feminist researchers are often unwilling or reluctant to target
practical thinking. She believes that when men embrace feminist thinking and
practice, which emphasizes the value of mutual growth and self-actualization in
all relationships, their emotional well-being will be enhanced.
The
popularization of gangsta rap, spearheaded by white male executives in the
music industry, gave a public voice to patriarchy and woman-hating. The author
views contemporary books and movies offer clear portraits of the evils of patriarchy
without offering any direction for change. In her view until there is creation
of a popular culture that affirms and celebrates masculinity without upholding patriarchy,
there will be no change in the way masses of males think about the nature of
their identity.
Further
in the book, the author writes that it is possible to critique patriarchy
without hating men. Without citing any figures, the author states that working
women are far more likely than other women to be irritable. She states that ‘women
want to be recognized, seen, and cared about by the men in our lives.’ She further
stresses that love cannot exist with domination.
In
the concluding chapter the author writes that those of us who love men do not
want to continue our journey without them. We need them beside us because we
love them. She believes that a culture of healing that empowers males to change
is in the making. Healing does not take place in isolation. Men who love and
men who long to love know this. She stresses that women should stand by them,
with open hearts and open arms (p. 188).